My dad’s favorite saying, and he has many, is “common sense isn’t all that common”. The expression came from his many years working for Chicago Northwestern railroad and is now part of Filitti lore. So if you ever have the pleasure of meeting my dad and he starts a sentence with, “Do you know what they say about common sense?”, understand he’s not looking for a response, that’s just his segue to announcing, “It’s not that common.”
I’m a therapist, I feel like I’m an expert, but sometimes I find myself throwing the psychobabble out the window and focusing on common sense.
Predictably Irrational, by Dan Ariely, shows us how we all over think decisions. We tend to analyze too much which usually leads to irrational and/or incorrect decisions. Using common sense or going “with your gut” seems like great advice when we’re giving it, but we often don’t take our own advice.
The next time you have a major decision to make, get three of your closest confidants together, tell them the dilemma and give them the 2-3 choices. Let them choose for you. But make sure they can choose anonymously. Let them check boxes or create a Google form, or something (I should create an app for this). But make sure they are 100% certain they are choosing anonymously1. If its not anonymous they’ll be concerned with your opinion/feelings on the matter and then, boom! Common sense and rationality go up in smoke.
If they can make the decision for you without you knowing who chose which decision, they will make a better choice for you 9 times out of 102. How many times, after making a difficult choice, has a friend told you he thought you should have made that decision a long time ago? That’s because he already made that decision for you 6 months ago but didn’t have an anonymous way of telling you. But don’t be mad, because you probably wouldn’t have listened to him anyway.
Because remember what they say about common sense…
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You can use a therapist too, but we don’t need to stay anonymous. ↩
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That’s an educated assumption, not scientific fact. But think about it. How many times do friends go along with your decision just to “be supportive”. Whether its a decision regarding breaking up with a boyfriend, or quitting a job, or wearing that outfit, it’s hard to be brutally honest if your not anonymous. ↩